Infertility, Surrogacy, and Motherhood

In recognition of Infertility Awareness Month, this episode of What to Know Down Below® explores the many different paths to building a family and the resilience it can take to get there. 

Tina’s Wish Board Member Meaghan Repko DeShong and Rachel Nicks, breast cancer warrior, founder of Birth Queen, and host of this year’s Runway for Research, come together for an honest conversation about infertility, surrogacy, parenthood, and hope. Meaghan shares her experience following the discovery of an ovarian tumor in 2016, the fertility challenges that followed, and the journey that ultimately led her to motherhood through surrogacy. 

Together, Meaghan and Rachel discuss the emotional realities of infertility, navigating unexpected changes to family-building plans, and the importance of finding support along the way. Filled with candor, humor, and compassion, this episode is a reminder that no two journeys look exactly the same—and that there is no one right path to parenthood. 

Connect with our guests: 

Meaghan Repko DeShong: 

https://www.instagram.com/marepko/ 

Rachel Nicks:  

https://www.instagram.com/rachelenicks/ 

https://www.instagram.com/birthqueenorg/ 

tinaswish.org/whattoknow

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Series

Speaker 0:05

Welcome to What to Know Down Below by Tina's Wish. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools you need to advocate for your own gynecologic health. Knowledge is power, and we encourage everyone to join us in learning more about what you need to know down below. Hello everyone, and welcome back to What to Know Down Below. My name is Rachel Nix, and I am so grateful to be a part of this really special series about infertility awareness during infertility awareness month. I became acquainted with Tina's Wish because of the lovely lady on this podcast, Megan Repco Deshong. It came in a very interesting way when she was talking to her trainer about someone that might host this new fundraiser that Tina's Wish wanted to do. And luckily, he thought of me. We connected, and I have had the absolute honor and gift of being the host of Runway for Research. And this year will be the fifth year. I am forever changed after being able to learn about the importance of ovarian cancer, but also just be inspired and empowered by all of the gynecologic oncologists. So that is my connection to Tina's Wish. And I'm incredibly committed to continuing to raise awareness about not only Tina's Wish, ovarian cancer, and all of the cancers and some more that we will talk about today. But over the next four episodes, we will be having very honest conversations about fertility, the emotional challenges that come with that, and the decisions that you have to make along that journey. And if anyone has been faced with a cancer diagnosis, often fertility and oncology kind of have this very challenging juxtaposition or crashing at the intersection, would be kind of how that felt. And I'm honored that I get to share this space and time with you, knowing that I know your personal journey, but the world needs to know it too. I know everyone will leave this episode forever changed and empowered. So, Megan, if you can just introduce yourself and let everyone know who you are and how fabulous you are, and we'll dive right in. I love you. I'm so happy to be doing this with you because it makes it that much more comfortable because it is somewhat of an uncomfortable conversation, but I think that's because it's not talked about enough. Um, and so I'm happy that we can do this. Um, I am um a partner at Joel Frank. I worked a lot, I focused on my career, I did all that stuff, and then um, and I'll get into

Megan’s Discovery of an Ovarian Tumor

Speaker 3:00

this later, but kind of had to deal with um an ovarian cancer issue, and so personally, and that led me to. How do you make it better? How do you, you know, because that's to me, that's how you get back to the positive, you don't stay in the negative. And so finding Tina's wish um gave me an opportunity to kind of it's like a call to action. Like I can, you know, be a part of this community that you don't want to be a part of, but if you are, then we're here for each other and we're here for everybody else. And so I'm a current board member, I work really hard, I think, um, to try to do the best I can to um, you know, it's like to your point, it's not about raising money for me. It's that is a component of it, but awareness is so important, and so that's really where I focus on um and the communications aspect of it. And so um, yeah, I love Tina's Wish and I love Rachel, and she's been a friend, but she's also been a doula, um uh the host of our shows. Like, I mean, she's just she's miraculous. So I'm so happy to be doing this with you. And it's something fun that, you know, I don't know that you knew. I think, and for the audience, I had no idea you had a personal connection with ovarian cancer until la the last week or whatever when we spoke. And why I think that's important is because you didn't allow your diagnosis or your journey to like define you. Yeah. It it was like it was a a chapter in the book, and you flipped it on its head to to press forward and make sure that you know we save lives. And so I I think that's really um honorable and beautiful that it was a something that happened for you, not to you. Totally. So yeah. Um, so just for the audience to know, we're gonna start with Megan's story. Um, and then episode two will be my personal story in connection to infertility um and cancer. And then we will have the pleasure of Dr. Tia Jackson Bay uh joining us for the last two episodes. She is a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist, obstetrician, gynecologist, and she will be um helping us explore preservation pathways and parenting pathways, and really just helping break down some of our options, terminology, so that we can just know what our options are, understand how to make empowered and informed decisions before a shoe drops in your life. I think it's more important for us to move around with information, possibly to utilize personally, but also just to share with the community at large. Um today's episode is personal. Um so we're all gonna just take a deep breath and know that this is a safe space. Megan, I love you, and I'm very grateful that you're sharing because fertility journeys are very individual experiences in different ways. It can feel super isolating, which I personally hate about um the journey, whether you have fertility issues or not. Um and I'm excited that we're just speaking honestly and openly because we're gonna help a lot of people. So, our hope with this series is to create an honest space, a supportive space, and an informative one, because education is power. So let's just dive right in, Megan. Can you just tell us like what let me let me start here? What did you envision your potential motherhood journey being? Did you want to be a mom? What and if you did, what did what did it look like for you? Yeah, I mean, I I was never the girl that dreamed of like the white dress and getting married and all that. It was like I was like honed in on motherhood. Um, so to me, that has always been the end game. Yes, I was lucky enough to like meet the love of my life and like get married and all that stuff, but like prior to me meeting him, my whole journey started. So I was 35 and I was like, I need to freeze my ex. Like, I'm not meeting anybody, I'm not happy, like in relationships, whatever it is. And so I was like, I need to freeze my ex. And I stepped up

Fibroids, A Tumor, And Fast Surgery

Speaker 7:45

my and I've talked about this by the way in the Fibroids um What to Know Down Below episode. Because I like the other thing is you have to understand this is a very deep and sensitive topic, but I personally I always have to find the humor in it because it keeps me going. Um because unless, or else you just it's like it's game over. Like to me, like laughter and finding that is like soul like feed, right? And so I need that. So um I upped my OBGYN game and went to this wonderful woman, and she was examining me and she goes, Has anybody told you you have a bulky uterus? And I was like, What the? Um and I was like, No. Um, and it turned out that I had um she sent me for an ultrasound and I had 15 fibroids, and they also at the time found a tumor on my ovary, and I was literally like, you know, they read it got silent in the room as they were doing the ultrasound. And um, and of course, I'm like chatty Kathy, and I'm like, what is going on? Why are you talking to me? Like, you know, and they basically were like, Look, the doctor's gonna call you this afternoon. And I was like, that's weird, they're gonna call me this afternoon. Normally it's like, oh, we'll call you in three days, right? So she called the doctor in three days and said, Listen, like, I gotta transfer you to oncology. Um, you have a tumor on your ovary. Like, yes, you have all these fibroids, but like I'm more concerned about the tumor. And so I was like, okay. And I just it happened so fast that I couldn't really focus on it. And I think that might have been a Tuesday and Thursday. I was meeting with the oncologist. He then moved surgeries so that I could get in, which a smart person would have been like, something's wrong here. And I was like, What do you think? You're like, I got VIP, I got bumped to the front of the line. That's so great. Oh my god, thanks. They thought they were gonna go in robotically and you know, take out the fibroids. And and when they got in, they realized like there were so many fibroids, but also the tumor was actually larger than they had anticipated because it was kind of around the back and it was attached to the fallopian tube. So they had to take out my ovary and the fallopian tube, and they took out 15 fibroids. So yeah, it sucked, it was awful. But here's the thing that I think people don't necessarily understand, especially with ovarian cancer. Most of the times you don't know that it's a it that it exists until you're cut open. And not many people want to get cut open. I had to. And so I was lucky enough that I found it where had we waited a few months, and let's be real, the symptoms of ovarian cancer are so like frequent urination and stomach cramps and all this stuff, which like happens to women all the time, happens to everybody all the time, truthfully. And so I caught it like on a whim because I wanted to freeze my eggs and have babies. Um, so it all comes back together, like cancer and fertility, to your point earlier, Rachel, like it's so tied, and you don't want it to be tied, right? Like it's something that you just wish didn't happen, but it's just how the body works. So I then you know recovered from that and decided, okay, I still want to freeze my eggs. Um, but I only had one ovary. I'm now 36. And I met my now husband and we went through the process. But the problem is, is like I was getting three or four eggs a shot going through egg retrieval. I'm like, if you do it early enough, and I can't say this enough that if you can do it, do it early enough. It if you don't even need them, it's a safety net. Just do it. Like it's literally so important. I would get three eggs on one try, and this is like months of working at it, right? Um, the amount of hormones you're pumping your body through and all this stuff, but it's believe me, it's worth it. And I will tell you in the end why it's worth it. But I, you know, just kept getting minimal

Egg Freezing With One Ovary

Speaker 11:55

eggs, and then we decided to try embryos, and then not everyone turns into an embryo. Like, that's why it's like so hard to get pregnant, right? There's like just such a small window, even if you can do it neutrally, that like it's so small. Like the fact that we're all on this planet is a miracle, quite frankly, when you look at like the windows of what you have to accomplish that. Then, you know, I we just started going through that process, and um I don't know, I'm blabbing on, but like I I basically drained our embryos through multiple miscarriages. Um and the doctor finally said to me, like, you should probably think of something else, and that's when it punched me in the face. Right. That's yeah. Before getting through, like getting to the point where they asked you to choose another pathway, how did you feel about that path that you were initially put on? I mean you think I'm a woman, this is what my body is supposed to be doing, like it's all supposed to be working, it's not like why me? Why like all of this stuff? Like, I mean, you go through every emotion, every emotion, like I'm a failure, I can't do this. Like, how can I be successful at work and have a successful relationship with someone and a healthy relationship? And then it's like thrown at you. It it uh it's gut-wrenching, it just sucks. It sucks. Yeah, yeah. I think it's something that's important to talk about if you're open, is how the these journeys like impact relationships. How did you guys navigate the unknown together? I'm sure there's because I I I often feel like men are left out of this conversation in like hetero relationships. I believe they're heavily impacted as well. Um, but there's really not like a space for them to process their pain because especially when when we miscarry as women, like it's our body, but it's still their baby. Um so you know, anything that you kind of want to speak to in general of like on, you know, Megan processing, your husband processing, you guys processing as a unit, and and how you kind of navigated that. I mean, I think the first couple of miscarriages, you're you still have it in you. And look, this is just us. I'm speaking about me personally, I'm not sure. So I want to make that very clear because every miscarriage is extremely hard and it's heartbreaking. Um, the first couple, I think we still had that like, we can do this, we can do this, we can do this kind of thing. Um yeah. And but at the same time, like we are also pumped full of hormones. So, like, I'll never forget when we actually not to quit in Tarantino this, but like towards the end, when it was like, okay, we're gonna change paths here. He was like, Hey, welcome back. Because he's like he hadn't even known me for like 19 months because I was just injected with hormones, which we gotta do what we gotta do, right? If you have an end game and you want to meet it, we're gonna do what we gotta do. But I agree with you, men are not thought of necessarily enough in this. And it got to a point where I remember like

Miscarriages And The Emotional Toll

Speaker 15:25

looking at my husband in the kitchen, and I was like, I'm doing this to him. So we stopped. And I think it's important to realize that, you know, like because our husbands or partners or whomever want to take care of us, right? They want us to be, they want us to have what we want to have if you're in a good, healthy relationship, right? And like and like kids and all that, like it's such an emotional thing. And so, you know, I like looked at him and I was like, I think we should be done. And he was like, Yeah, but he wasn't gonna say it to me first, right? And I needed to respect that and like take a look at him and make sure that people understood that like this isn't just about me. And I never made it about me, and I always went through this, like, there's some reason I'm going through this, like there's some reason. I don't know what it is, and it's messed up, and I don't like it, but like there's some reason. Um and so yeah, it just you feel everything, like you I can't tell you. You will people will feel like failures, like I'm supposed to be a woman, this is what we're supposed to do, and I can't. Like, how am I actually like succeeding in life? Like, all of it, all of it comes to you. It's emotional, it's so heartbreaking. Yeah, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. That's how you yes, yeah. So you said stop, yeah. What then I feel is you saw each other again, yeah. Right? You could come back to self and like the relationship that you knew, and then there's more to your story. So then when did you make and what made you make another choice? So, like I said, I always wanted to be a mom. My husband always wanted to be a dad. So we talked to our fertility specialist. Um, I don't know if I'm wanted to say his name. Anyway, Dr. Griffo at NYU. He's amazing, whatever. He's the best of the best, and he's so kind-hearted. Um, and he, you know, sat down with us and said, Look, I think you should stop. I think you're putting a toll on your body. Um, and he's like, There's other options. And he was like, You've got two, adoption and surrogacy. We hear about adoption all the time, right? I didn't really know that much about surrogacy. Um, and so I was like, Okay, well, let us talk and we'll figure it out. And so we talked, you know, as a unit and decided surrogacy was the path we wanted to go down. And then you have to do research on the different agencies and all this other stuff. And so um, once we once I got comfortable feeling like I'm not a failure, I can still be a mother, my husband can still be a father, and we can make this happen. Like, let's go. You had an you had an a solution, right? Yeah, and I'm lucky enough to have that solution, right? Like, not everybody does, but let me tell you find me, call me, whatever. I had so much support in going through this that strangers, like once you figure it out that that's the path you want to go down and you start talking about it, and by the way, talking about it is important because there's no shame. There's absolutely no shame because you have an end game and you can reach it. So let's figure out how to do that. I think it's like we have to clear the noise and let go of the pathway we envisioned. Yeah. I think we we talked about that last week. It's like as long as you achieve the goal, how you get there, I can't say it doesn't matter, but there's a reason you're traveling the path you're traveling. Yeah. And and I think if you embrace the redirection, knowing that you still will get to the same destination, then to me, it is it's all worth it in the end. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. And I feel like I got thrown up on it's I feel like you just got thrown up. I guess that's you know, and and this is happening to me real time. Like I have a friend that just had a mastectomy, but now she just found out one of her lymph nodes is positive. Um I I just I just little voice notes every day to try to keep her encouraged. And what I just told her was like every yes, know that you're gonna survive. Like you have to hardwire, like with a cancer diagnosis, I think it's like, and and being a mom, it's like the same thing. Like, I'm gonna be a mom. If you're a cancer, you know, uh, if you receive a cancer diagnosis, like I'm gonna survive, and then allow yourself those dark moments, but like those dark moments don't need to be dark days, weeks, months. Like you still have to open the blinds and let the light in. Yeah, even though, like, as a super strong independent woman that I know you are, and I am, even allowing those dark moments for us, it's like the opposite. We don't want to acknowledge the darkness, yeah. Right? Can I say that for you? Like, I saw you, and I'm like, girl, there's we need there's some stuff in there we need to

Protecting The Relationship And Stopping

Speaker 20:55

like let out, versus feeling we have to hardwire that we're okay. Yes. I mean, the asking for help, like all that stuff. And I mean, I think that's in all aspects of our world as women, is it's just hard to ask for help. Um, at least for me it was, but like, like I said, there was a reason I was put on this path, and I got to meet two amazing freaking angels that literally will just cruise through the gates because of what they did for me. Um, and they carried both of my children. Um, I have a son who's two, and I have a daughter who's six months old, and like I got there, it wasn't easy, it wasn't fun. Right. If you sit in the darkness, you may never get out, and I don't want that for anybody, and so for me personally, I put a time frame on it, but I'm also kind of kooky. Like, I was like, okay, you're gonna have four. 48 hours, you're gonna be really sad, and then you're gonna figure out how we're going to the next step. Like, and it doesn't mean I wasn't sad after the 48 hours, but I was like, I need 48 hours to like wallow in this, and then I need to get up back on the horse and figure out what my next steps are. Doesn't mean I wasn't sad. I'm still sad about all of those miscarriages. And by the way, I went too long, quite frankly. Like I just I I couldn't, I just couldn't get my head around the fact that like this wasn't working. And then I was like, okay, like this is how we're gonna do it. And so when we did go through surrogacy, it was such a beautiful experience. And that you meet women who literally are giving, like, think about it, they're putting their life on the line, and they have families, and they're putting their life on the line to give you everything you want. There is something to be said about that. And so you meet amazing people, and they're doing it for reasons. Yeah, you could say it's for money, it's not. You hear their stories, you do all this stuff. Like, it's there's family members that have struggled with infertility, there's a friend, there's something else, like whatever it is, and they decide that this is what they're gonna do. Um, and even if they do it once, and both of mine are just one-timers, and it was their first time, it was our first time, like all of it, and it just meshed so beautifully. And I'm so lucky for them, and I'm lucky that you know, I think other people would be like, Well, how are you gonna tell your children? It's like, I'm gonna tell them like I wanted them so badly. They have some expensive kids until they start saying out and sneaking out in the middle of the night. But like, I wanted you so badly, I did everything I possibly could to bring you. And I will protect you and I will do everything, and you are mine, and you might not like it for periods of time, but like we're it, like we are the unit, so like buckle up, kids, because you're mine. Okay, so you know I gotta go there because you said the word mine. Go. This is where Rachel saved my marriage. I know where she's going. So yeah, what if you could tell the mine, divine, like it's like when people say I had a natural birth. I don't I don't like that word. If you if you delivered a human, you delivered a human, your birth is valid. Um, I believe

Choosing Surrogacy Without Shame

Speaker 24:35

the same as like becoming a mother. The pathway to which you became is not what's important. It's that that you are a mother. And I'll share a little story. Like, I came into Megan's home, like just to after her son was born two years ago and met with her, but I could just see she was everything was perfect. The house, the car, the clothes, the the diapers, the wipes, like everything was perfect, and she just was a tight little ball of anxiety. The bottle, everything was perfect. And I just looked at her and I was like, he's yours. And I want you to share what you were feeling because I think that's really important because you're owning it now, but there was a moment that you needed to make that choice to own the mind. Yeah, um, yeah. She, by the way, that's a true story. She did say it to me. As she had my son like strapped to her chest, and she's like bouncing him because he was screaming, and I was like ready to break down. And um, I just because I went through surrogacy, I still had women's bodies are so crazy and hormones are so crazy. Like, I still had the baby blues. Um, and I would cry in my pantry, like any other mom, like that's frustrated and all this other stuff. But like, I'm like, does this kid like me? You know, like I felt like I'm so used to, I'm so type A and like used to things. Like, I'm like, can he fill out like a comment card? Like, am I doing okay? Like, what's going on? You know, and meanwhile, like looking back, I'm like, he's alive, you're crushing it, right? But like I wanted like feedback and I couldn't get it, but which you're not gonna get. Um, and I'll tell you when you will get it. But um I yeah, I was really nervous. I didn't know if he thought I was his mom. But I think most moms would tell you you don't, because they're just they're not like like developed, like they don't have like emotions necessarily except to cry when they're upset about something or like they're hungry, or like they pooped, or whatever. Like, so you're just going through the motions and it's it's monotonous, right? And you're just like, I'm not used to this, I'm used to working, I'm used to doing this, I'm used to doing it. You're not like your life is so focused on this child. And so I don't think I'm any now, I don't think I'm any different than any other mother or father or parent or whatever. Um but Rachel basically said to me, he's yours. And I feel like I looked at you and I was like, thanks. Like I just needed someone to say he couldn't say it. So I needed I needed someone to almost say it to me, but it sounded so like I didn't know I needed it. Um and then I will tell you, like two weeks later, he smiled at me for the first time, and I was like, Okay, kid, like we got it. Like me, like we got it, and the same with my daughter. Like, I even felt somewhat of the same way, but like I kind of knew to expect it. And then again, like that minute of like smiling, there's that connection, but also when you like, and Rachel, I think you probably noticed this. Like, he knew who I was, my smell, my voice, like he could clock me, and so my daughter, and that shows that like he knows that like I'm the caretaker. But I I I was so in my head, I couldn't realize that until I was asked, like I was told. Um like I appreciate that, you know, because I'll never forget it. Like, I'll never forget where we were sitting. I I know what I was wearing, like I know everything about that moment in time because it was like it just sort of like took it all off. Like, I wanted you to just own it. Like, there's so you fought so hard to have him and like endured so much pain and disappointment and physical, like trauma and emotional, and and I think there is just a lot of stigma and judgment. Let's be honest about everything. I also know you as a personality, like for listeners, like Megan is this shit, like Megan is very successful, she has it all, and I think I know her well enough that I'm just gonna say this is that none of that matters when you just want your baby, you know what I mean? Like, and she but what I saw in her is like you have it all, and you now have your son, yeah. And how he got here is not important, it doesn't matter, and and and you're his mom, and he knows that, and I see that, and everything he needs lies within you. So I think kind of as we wrap up, like after traveling through your dynamic uh book that you will write, um, what would be like the advice Megan needed? Part of me wishes I leaned more into like my surgery and all that before the kids because I just I was so like flippant about it and I didn't really realize like how much of an impact it was going to have. But like, how do you like do that now, right? Like hindsight's 2020. Um the other thing I want to say is while this is focused on like cancer and sort of medically getting to a point of infertility,

Owning Motherhood After Surrogacy

Speaker 30:10

there's plenty of people that have it naturally and like it or end up with it naturally, whatever it is, and like that same light is the same color and it's the same tunnel, right? Like we're all on the same path, and like, yeah, there may be like roads that go different ways, right? It might not be my exact road. Anyways, I just want to make that clear that like this doesn't just apply to people like us, but it applies to so many, and people don't talk about it. The other thing is, is I don't have regrets about my journey, and I I don't like having regrets in life generally, but I'm actually proud of my journey because I didn't give up and I knew I wanted babies and I knew I wanted kids, and um I just like kind of persevered, and it was like, okay, you're gonna throw a ball, like it's like playing dodgeball almost. It's like, okay, there goes a ball, there goes a ball. Like, what am I gonna do to get you know? And I had to figure out how to navigate that while also working and being a wife and you know, all of it, you know, keeping relationships with friends alive, like all that stuff. And meanwhile, I wanted to crawl under a rock, but I didn't. And so I think for me, the other thing is is talking about it. And I know it's uncomfortable, and I know it might not make you feel like the best person you can be, whatever, but I I kind of disagree because to me, and I say this to people that I work with all the time. I'm like, when you're uncomfortable, you learn the most, and you'll never realize how many people are out there that have been through something similar. And so talking about it is so important. Um, because you're never gonna know. Like, I had people being like, Oh my god, I had a friend that went through this. Let me connect you. They're so happy to get it. I talk to people probably once a week at this point who were debating Sorriosy and then walking them through the process, and I talk to them throughout it, and I get to see like them welcome babies, right? Like, and to me, that's that's why I was on the journey. That's a gift. Yeah, that's why I was on the journey to help. So I I would say like talk about it because you're gonna be really surprised. Million dollar question How does Megan take care of Megan? I think finding funny podcasts, like I need things to be so I would listen to like funny podcasts and like um and like stuff like that, like especially like commuting to work and all that stuff, but um just because you can like silence sometimes can be hard, but silence can also be beautiful. So it's finding the right moment to do those. Um, and then I mean, I'm not gonna lie, like I'm gonna go get my nails done. I like I bring my kids with me. I don't like I don't, you know, like if I really need a moment, you know, I say to my husband, like, can you just watch them for an hour? Like, I just want to get them out of here. Like, you know, and it's like the simplest of things, but it's it's time for yourself is really, really important. And even like at night when I put the kids, we put the kids to bed and all that stuff, and it's like quiet, and it's like I'll watch a show for a period of time with my husband, so we have that alone time together, but then I'm like, I gotta go. And like it's 30 minutes of just being alone, and that to me, that's really important because you can kind of look back and be like, All right, I did that, or okay, I messed that up, so we're gonna have to change that tomorrow. But like just having that like inner conversation, I think is also really important. It's just good for mental health. Yeah, sitting with yourself, yeah. And I I'm a huge a lot, which I know Rachel appreciates. Oh, exercise, yeah. Oh, and the the other that includes someone else, but uh the other advice I will give everyone is have lots of sex. I told you she fixed my marriage. I'll keep it off of off of personally vegan, but like as a doula, one of like as a postpartum, like one of my postpartum visits, I always ask couples like, have you had sex yet? Are you having sex? How much sex are you having? And I think people always look at me like, but and in in all seriousness, when when we when we speak about sex and cancer and sex and infertility, you feel like less of yourself. And I believe it is so important from the outside in and inside out, like recognizing pieces of yourself. Because if you are going through you know infertility and taking hormones, your body physically and emotionally will change. So doing things like your hair, your lashes, and your nails that look like

Self Care, Sex, And Feeling Whole

Speaker 34:55

Megan or Rachel are really important so that when you look down or look in the mirror, you're like, I at least recognize my freaking hands. You know what I mean? Like, because even after, like, I've had two kids, right after having your kids, you don't recognize your own body. Like, yeah, it's yours, but it's not. Like, you're like, I don't know this. So I always tell you know, women, like, make sure you do do those things that are help you feel like yourself and feel beautiful and sexy because we are sexual beings, and I don't know, you have to have sex to have babies and like sex for pleasure, and I that's a big one that I just it's really not talked about. And but I also you know, we're getting or would appreciate their husbands wanting them again because they think their vision of their body is so different than what it was pre-baby. And so when your husband wants you, and like obviously when you're cleared by your doctor, like I'm not trying to, but like it's it's nice, like you're like, Oh, he still wants okay, like it's good. I mean, Rachel did say to me, like, you can be breastfeeding. Exactly. So I was like, okay, um, take kids out of the equation, like connection is so yeah. Um, and you know, I don't believe in the saying, happy wife, happy life, because you both should be happy. And so why not make everybody happy? And it's it's a release, and I but I I think it's another way to feel like what you're saying, to feel whole, to feel like yourself. Like a woman. When you and your partner connect and you feel desired by your partner, you're like, Oh, I still got it. You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of the gift that can keep giving multi-directionally. You're like, everybody wins, you know. So I'm I know that's an another clinician will probably not come on and say that, but I will. I mean it's true, it's an important component of any relationship, and so I think you know, you want to be wanted, and yourself. Like my I had a mom that was like, take care of yourself, like plea pleasure yourself. And I, you know, in college was like, ugh, like I remember being kind of anti, but I remember in the pandemic when I was pregnant with Baldwin, my anxiety was like crazy. I didn't know it was anxiety because I had never had, I was blessed never to have anxiety. But I had an acupuncturist was that was like, does it feel like you're on a plane that won't land? So every day at sunset, I would get this feeling like I couldn't land because I knew I was gonna have trouble sleeping. Then I would have to get up and have energy for a toddler and be pregnant and work, cook, clean, do the whole thing that the pandemic consisted of. And it was anxiety. And the only thing that fixed it was, you know, an orgasm. I would just like, and it wasn't like the most exciting thing we got off the ground. I know, but anyways, in closing, in closing, I just want to start and finish by saying, Megan, I love you, and I know I really want to acknowledge that you are a beautiful human, you're a boss, literally, in all the ways. Um, and you never put yourself in this in the limelight, like at this, at the front and at the center. But I want you to know that you deserve to be front and center and that your journey is beautiful, however chaotic and traumatic at times. But I'm so proud of you for sticking with it and like owning the mess of it all and the beauty of it all, because you have arrived to where you are, and I'm really proud of you, and you inspire me, and so many women can learn so much from you, and so I hope that you continue to lead in the ways that you do um and enjoy motherhood. So thank you for sharing because I know that's it's not her jam, y'all, but I made her do it. She did it for me. She really did it for me. I really can't cancer and then she shared. Um thanks, Cancer, for making Megan share the personal story. It was totally worth it.

Advocate For Yourself And Stay Connected

Speaker 39:25

Um it was totally worth it. Uh, but in closing, just know that fertility journeys can be deeply personal and painful. But as Megan and I have showed you, they can be full of laughter and joy nonetheless. And we hope this series um makes women feel more seen, supported, and understood. If these episodes resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you. So please, please, please reach out to us on Instagram at Tina's Wish. And I think also we'll probably tag ourselves or Tina's Wish will tag us. So if you want to reach out to us, I think, I don't know, Rachel, but I'm I'm happy if anybody has questions or anything directly for me, you can absolutely reach out to me because that's part of my yes. So yeah. Open book. Yeah. Ask away. I mean, clearly, I think they've learned that I'll talk about anything. Anyone listening, advocate for yourself. I think it's the most important thing you can do in life with your medical history, especially with gynecological health, because I think sometimes we can be dismissed. So please, please, please advocate for yourself because it's the most important thing you can do. For more information about gynecologic health, visit Tina'swish.org slash what to know. That's Tina'swish.org slash W H A T T O K N O W. And like, follow, or subscribe wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.